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| A Vegas Story |
| 08.22.04 (10:32 pm) [edit] |
Ah. The sweet smell of smoke-free air. I must admit, Portland does have its qualities that seal the deal for the undecided. Those were the first thoughts that went through my mind as we entered the PDX gates. No flashy slot machines, no smoky residue; just another beautiful sunny day in Portland. Vegas was a great trip. I think the last time I had that much exercise was back in my freshman and sophomore years at Jesuit as a reluctant P.E. student. Of course, that’s like comparing apples and oranges. In high school, I dreaded that awful mile and counted the minutes until 3rd period was over. In Vegas, I just wanted to relax in the moment because it was vacation.
So on Sunday, my friend picked me up and we headed to PDX. We talked about our Vegas plans to this young guy that sat next to us on the plane. I gave him all the tips my other friend’s mom gave me, despite any real experience on my part. When we got into LAS, I was overwhelmed by how many slot machines there were! I know it’s Vegas, but still … the shuttle picked us up and took us to the Sahara, which is where we stayed the entire time. Can I just say how crazy the shuttle drivers are? A couple of them flew over speed bumps and practically anything else that was upright in the road. Refuge lanes suddenly were game for driving; pedestrians beware. Did you know the law in Vegas is that you have to yield to the shuttle? Watch out – you could just get run over. The first night we were there, we decided to walk down the strip and pretty much see how far we could walk. From the Sahara, we went to Riviera where I won a bunch of quarters. A bunch to me is 50 or 60 quarters. We then walked up to Cathedral Ave by the Frontier and then headed back north, passing Stardust and going into Circus Circus. If you haven’t been to Circus Circus before, I have to warn you that the personnel there are … well … kind of scary. The kids’ section is a lot of fun, but we went to that casino just to walk around and play a couple slot machines. I needed two $1 bills for shuttle money so I went up to the nearest cashier to exchange my quarters for bills. There was a petite older Asian woman behind the counter that had a strange dual resemblance to my grandma in Seattle and Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. Here was our conversation:
Me: Hi there, I need two $1 bills please.
Lady: (Looks at me with a scowl on her face, and puts a plastic bucket in front of me) Poot the monee in the bawket.
Me: (Perplexed look on my face) No, I don’t want to gamble. I just want bills.
Lady: (Flustered, raised voice and crazy look in her eyes) Poot the monee in the bawket!!
Me: (Getting irritated, and wanting to leave) I don’t want more quarters! I just want two dollars!!!
Lady: (Practically screaming) POOOT the MONEE in the BAWKET!!!!
So, keep in mind I am not into gambling and I’m not familiar with casino etiquette. I figured that since she was so teed off that she must have been right, so I just tossed the quarters in and hoped she wouldn’t keep them. She then put them in the change machine and produced my precious one dollar bills. When I thanked her, she didn’t even look at me. What a mean lady, huh? Every other casino I ended up visiting never asked me to do that. While she didn’t straight out say “PUT THE LOTION IN THE BASKET!!” she sure did a great impression of Buffalo Bill. Then after that, my friend and I were walking out of the casino when another scary incident happened. Have you ever seen those guys that push around safes that look like miniature armored-truck-type paraphernalia? Have you noticed how their grey one piece outfits resemble inmate uniforms? Anyway, we were walking out of the casino and one of those guys was pushing a safe past our way. He had a peculiar resemblance to an older Henry Winkler from his Happy Days stint. As soon as he saw us, he stopped dead in his tracks, let go of the safe, and just stared at us as we walked by with this crazy, I’m-gonna-kill-you look on his face. Maybe it was youth or the smoke tainting my common sense, but I made the mistake of making eye contact with Freaky Fonzie. And let me tell you, those weren’t disco lights in his eyes, but rather sharp daggers and murderous intent. He was probably dating bucket lady and wanted to protect her honor. How sweet.
On Monday, we hit the pool in the late morning/early afternoon and afterwards ate at the buffet. The best food were the scrambled eggs, hash browns, pizza, lasagna and banana cream pie. The coffee was watery so that obviously needed to be fixed. We then got ready and went downstairs. We passed by the Casbar lounge, and an Elvis impersonator was performing with two dancers. We decided to catch his act, and sat ourselves on the far right of the lounge. His last song was Viva Las Vegas, and at that point in his act, he left the stage with his dancers and went into the audience for participation. I knew there was a good chance he could embarrass us, so I whispered audibly enough to my friend “Let’s leave now while we still have a chance!” I swear, a minute later, he turned around from the across the room and pointed at us and exclaimed “Look, it’s the Dixie Chicks!” even though till this day, I can’t see the connection. I felt myself already turning red. Elvis and his entourage then sauntered over to our table, and would not leave until we sang the chorus. It was so embarrassing! He then went into the casino area and chased someone down that he referred to as “Ludacris”. That was funny, too. We then took the shuttle to New York New York. I’ve been to that casino before and it’s still my favorite one because of the immense creativity and variety of features. Anyway, we walked through the casino part to the upstairs area and looked at a couple shops. We went to Coyote Ugly but there was only one coyote there, so we left. All of a sudden, the heavens opened and a Starbucks came into view. Curse capitalism when it’s vacation time. My $1.65 americanos were $3.00 at NYNY, but fortunately thanks to Deming and his 14 points, they taste the same. Hold up, standardization was one of Deming’s TQM darlings, wasn’t it? Goodness, this is what happens when you’re out of school …
We then walked over the skybridge to Excalibur and hit up the gift shops and kids’ arcade. I got one of those princess hats that’s a flower wreath with ribbons flowing in the back, and thought I’d be an embarrassment to society and wear it for the remainder of the evening. We played that one game where you throw the ball into the holes and your horse advances depending on which hole you throw it into. We both won a couple times; I got a stuffed tiger and a strawberry shortcake doll. The reason why I didn’t capitalize that last item is because I’m embarrassed to admit that I still have it in my room. I plan on giving it to a friend’s 4-year old little sister. Honestly! We got our picture taken with the huge purple dragon that greets visitors at the front entrance.
Luxor was our next stop. When I went to Vegas 4 years ago, Luxor was one of the many casinos that I hadn’t seen. Of course, I was 20 so I was confined to the arcades with my pipsqueak cousins and siblings. Sorry guys, I know you’re not young’uns anymore. I was amazed at the pyramid – at how the walls actually housed hotel guests. We walked through the pyramid and ventured to the top, where we had our caricature done by an artist with a color deficiency syndrome. I say that fondly because he made us laugh while I tortured him with avant-garde yet true names of colors, such as burnt sienna, bark, celery, ebony and lilac. Hey, I forgot to tell him to make the sand color yellow ochre!! He also got us to laugh by telling us he was really old, so I asked him if he used to watch Mork & Mindy reruns, and he told us he was actually old enough to watch the sitcom in its original season. I was telling my friend that we probably traumatized him for life; he’ll probably think twice now before asking people what color their eyes are. After our caricature sitting, we walked over to a Photo Magic booth where folks get their head shot inserted into a template featuring all kinds of people, such as Vegas showgirls to race car drivers to those dreadful, everywhere-you-look Chippendale guys. And you know they’re everywhere when you type Chippendale on your word processor and the red squiggly line doesn’t show up underneath. See, even Webster’s dictionary recognizes the guys as an integral part of society. Yeah right! That’s more like the decay of society … Anyway, there were a ton of templates featuring really buff guys in body-builder type poses. As we were standing there watching someone get her picture taken, this elderly man, who was probably 80 years, said to us as he walked by “I told them to stop using my picture without my permission!” it was so hilarious.
After Luxor, we ventured over to Mandalay Bay. I wanted to see the aquarium, and by the time we got there, we found out it wasn’t free. That was okay, because we had a nice time just walking through there. In one of the halls, there is a huge mural of the sea that extended from the bottom of the floor to the ceiling. I had this crazy idea to pretend like I was swimming in the ocean, so I had my friend take a picture of me on my stomach, pretending to do the butterfly stroke. My tummy hurt a little after moving around on the marble floor, but that’s what you get for trying to be stupid. No, not too many people saw me – darn! We ate at the Rainforest Café and enjoyed the routine weather changes …
On Tuesday, we went to the pool again and ate at the buffet. Sadly, they had no more banana cream pie. I was devastated. That is, until the shuttle picked us up and we were looking at more casinos and attractions. I don’t remember the order that day, so I’ll try to list things in order of how they happened. We went to M&M World and it was so adorable. There were 4 floors filled with various types of M&M merchandise. We got lucky and caught a free tour and 3D show. I also got my picture with the yellow M&M. We then went to the Coke Store, and got our picture with the giant polar bear. He was really cute. I got a water bottle shaped like a glass Coke bottle and a nostalgic pill box. I love Coke; it’s my favorite drink in the whole world, so that obviously was really cool. We went to the Hawaiian Marketplace where my friend and I got our first fashionable purchases. She got this really classy green purse and a glamorous crochet poncho. I got this maroon & blue VonDutch hat and the lady gave us both toe rings.
We went to Monte Carlo and then over to Aladdin, which had this amazing illusion over the mall area. The ceiling was painted like the sky, and it was done so precisely that you would think you were truly outside. The Venetian has the same illusion in its shop area as well. We went to Caesar’s Palace and my friend was haunted by a hologram Caesar slot machine. After that, we went to Paris and eventually found ourselves in Bally’s. We walked over to Bellagio and toured the building. I must say, Bellagio was extremely beautiful and swanky – the live jazz music that was playing in one of the restaurants was a nice alternative to the contemporary music heard elsewhere. We got to see the conservatory; that was beautiful as well. We watched a couple water shows and then headed back to the shuttle again. I forgot to mention, every night our feet were killing us earlier and earlier into the day, even though we took the shuttle.
On Wednesday, we passed up the pool and buffet and went to the Fashion Show Mall. When we were in the Fossil store, some random guy asked me which of the two watches he was wearing was better. I told him watch #2 because it was more traditional-looking than #1, which I told him and his wife was way too punk-rocker-I’m-going-t o-smash-my-Fender-in-a-co ncert look. We went to this Hawaiian-theme store, and I overheard the two cashiers freaking out over some video footage of the store that morning. At approximately 6:00 am that day, a lady was seen on the tape walking amidst the store, and apparently the two girls recognized who it was. I heard them call the owner (?) and gush about what they had seen. That was interesting. As we left the store, a loud bell went off, and all of a sudden, a stage protruded through the floor and runway lights and music flooded the mall. We got to see a back to school fashion show, which ran for about 5 – 10 minutes. After that, we went to the Venetian and saw the Grand Canal shops. I’d have to say the Venetian was the most beautiful to me, partly because I have a secret obsession with almost anything related to Italy, and mostly because of how beautiful the hotel and shops were. We saw the statue guy on the platform; I didn’t want to waste a dollar on him to see him move, because odds are someone else was going to drop a dollar. Sure enough, a little boy placed a bill on the platform, and the statue moved. We then headed over to Treasure Island to see Mystere by Cirque Du Soleil, a gift from my friend. If you have never been to the show, here are some tips: arrive no earlier than 5 – 10 minutes before the show, make sure you have bought popcorn, and you must give your tickets to the man in the tux with crazy white hair. He’ll help you. (Insert mischievous giggle). That show was absolutely wonderful; I won’t spoil the rest. It is a production definitely worth seeing due to the creativity and talent. Afterwards, we saw the Sirens of TI (the pirate show) and that was interesting. Earlier we had taken the tram to the Mirage, where we got to see the white tiger exhibit. Lo and behold, there was an actual tiger this time.
Thursday was bittersweet; I didn’t want to leave, but at the same time, my lungs were pleading for nicotine-free air. So I’m back now obviously, pictures are still at Costco and tomorrow’s my first day back at work. I feel like I’ve been gone for a month! Not really looking forward to it, but I have to be thankful because it’s from God and it keeps me solvent. =)
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